My Baby Boy
Never having a pet as a child I never thought that the attachment you feel would be so strong. Losing one dog a few years back hurt but nothing like the loss of my baby boy Nash, who died earlier this evening.
We got Nash when he was 6 weeks old from a breeder in Saratoga NY. Nash was the sweetest, loving boy. He loved to play fetch with his little rubber ball and also try and catch the ball after I threw it on the roof. Nash loved every person he saw. When he saw people he just wanted to say hello and give them a kiss. He was a sturdy boy weighing 70 lbs and when he wanted to say hello to someone he would win the battle and would pull you to him whether you liked it or not.
Nashy, as I called him, had 2 other companions he left behind . A 12 year old "mom" named Bella and a precocious 4 year old greyhound sister named Cookie. Nash was a beautiful boy with personality and the nicest temperament you can imagine.
When something so terrible happens to a pet you love so much, the guilt you feel is overwhelming. We were getting ready to go out to celebrate my son's 25th birthday from a few days earlier. Breakfast as he knew it was 99% of the time at 5:30 pm. Tonight due to early dinner reservations dinner was moved up to 3:30. We needed to leave by 4. I took him and the others to go potty before we left and made the tragic mistake that cost him his life.
I always let Nashy go potty off his leash even though we live near a decently busy road. I went to let one of the dogs back in while Nashy was sitting on the lawn. I was closing the front door and I turned around and heard a howl that will haunt me forever.
Nash was across the street in great distress. He darted across the street to say hello to 2 teenage boys that were walking and was hit by a car. Although I didn’t see it I knew it wasn’t good. Nashy ran across the street to me in shock. They told me the car hit him and he flew across the street and on to the grass.
We rushed him to an emergency vet clinic 1 mile from our house. They said he was in shock but his vitals were stable. They did x rays and he had a perforated bowel and his stomach and liver moved up towards his heart. He was in guarded condition and the only chance we had was to rush him 15 miles away for emergency surgery. Leaving the clinic I was actually optimistic he had a fighting chance. We drove as fast as we could but Nashy started to labor. His breathing became shallow in the car and when we arrived his body was limp.
They rushed him in but it was too late. He was gone. They tried to resuscitate him but that failed. I cried like I never have before.
Losing a parent wasn’t this hard because they both lived full lives. My Baby boy didn’t deserve this fate. We were supposed to have many more years together. I can’t escape the visions of my baby boy losing the battle and the guilt is overwhelming. I knew he needed to be on a leash but you convince yourself nothing would ever happen. Well it does, and it hurts like hell.
I am so sorry my boy. I let you down and cost you your life and it will be with me forever. I don’t know how people get over this overwhelming sadness. Saying goodbye to my boy was the hardest thing I have experienced in my life.
Thank you for your unconditional love and for giving me laughter and for being one of a kind. I will miss you so much. I will see you on the other side someday when we can resume playing together.
RIP my baby boy!
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